What happens in a coaching session
What happens in a coaching session?
I remember the first time I considered going for a bikini wax. I was baffled about what actually happens behind the curtain in the little rooms in the back of the salon. What were the expectations, protocols, and norms that I could expect? If I knew, I'd feel less nervous about going and knowledgeable enough to know if it was going wrong once I was there. I didn't want to see images or pictures, so I steered clear of YouTube (if it even had anything of this sort in those early days) and stuck with text articles, my preferred mode of learning, and got the info I needed. If you're curious about what goes on behind the Zoom Screen of a coaching call, you are certainly welcome to watch any one of hundreds of coaching conversations on YouTube. Or you can read my explanation below.
In coaching, we work to move you towards the goal or vision you want to achieve.
[Grammar Note: the mix of pronouns “we” and “you” is intentional. I, the coach, assist you, the client, to achieve your goals by partnering with you. The partnership creates the “we,” even though the goals are your own. It's awkward grammar but effective partnering.]
Logistics: Coaching calls usually happen over Zoom or other video conferencing platform, occasionally by regular phone call, and sometimes in person. You and your coach determine the medium in the introductory call. Time, dates, frequency: that all gets discussed in the introduction. The introductory call is usually 20-45 minutes, and the first coaching call an hour. After that, 45-60 minutes is the typical length of a session, but it can be as little as 20-30 minutes. Shorter calls work best after you and your coach know each other well and have established conversational shorthand. Come to the introductory call with an idea of what you think will work for you and we’ll determine the best arrangement for you.
The Goal, In Broad Terms: The reason you engage a coach is to help you achieve an objective. Each coaching session works to bring you closer to that objective, also called your goal. To accomplish your overarching objective, in each session we set a smaller objective to address in that particular session. Usually, this objective is a small step or milestone towards the larger vision that you hired the coach for in the first place. However, sometimes the focus shifts to an unrelated issue that's challenging you in the moment. These “unrelated” challenges are important to address, too, they're equally significant and occupy just as much space in your brain. Resolving them is necessary to free you up to make progress on your larger objective.
Goals usually fall into one of a few buckets.
· Clarity: I’m confused and need a solution. (e.g. “What should I do about work?”)
· Progress: I’m stuck and need next steps. (e.g. “How can I get started on this task?”)
· Emotions: I'm stressed and want to feel calmer. (e.g. “What can I do about this thing that’s irritating me?”)
· Ideation and creativity: I’m in a rut and need a strategy. (e.g. “What’s a new way to approach my idea?”)
The Goal, In the Conversation: After the usual pleasantries, I, the coach, will ask “What's on your mind?” or similar question. There will be follow-up questions to make sure you've shared everything you need to. Then we’ll start unpacking the primary topic to discern its importance and meaning to you, how it fits in with your values. When it's clear on what we're talking about and why, I'll invite you to set the goal for the conversation. Sometimes you’ll accomplish the goal in the call directly, and sometimes you’ll simply move a bit closer towards the goal, with actions to take after the call. Both are normal and appropriate. With the tangible goal established, we’ll create a picture of your vision, identify potential outcomes, and assign milestones to help you know when you’re achieving your goal, so you can celebrate progress.
The Actions: Once the goal is identified, I’ll ask some questions around your current situation and the obstacles you’re facing. The intention of the questions is to help you notice and think carefully about your mindset, your context, your actions, and your beliefs. We look at obstacles you face, whether it’s people, ideas, environment, resources, or even yourself. With that clearer picture of the situation, options about your next steps usually emerge, so I’ll prompt you to flesh them out and eventually we’ll make concrete, actionable steps and outline the realistic plan to carry them out.
The Secret to Success: All of this progress and awareness is possible because I listen actively to you, the client, the whole time. I'm fully focused on your words and expressions. I’m not evaluating or advising. I’m carefully noticing you with the intention of sharing my observations with you to bring to light anything you might not have noticed yourself. I’m not parroting what you say, I’m reflecting back to you repeated or keywords you’re using and inviting you to consider how they're linked—if at all. I’m asking you to talk out loud and respond to questions you might not ask yourself so that you can get to know yourself better. All of this is done without judgment, confidentially, and with your permission. You retain autonomy of what to address, when to elaborate and when not to elaborate. I provide space for you to ponder and consider. That means sometimes there is silence. I patiently give you time to examine your thoughts and let them roll around in your head. It’s not awkward, it’s useful, and it’s something you won’t experience often outside of coaching. It can be in the silence where the biggest breakthroughs occur. In addition to holding space for you, I check in with you throughout the session to confirm we’re still addressing what you need to address in the conversation and to keep us on track, progressing towards your goal.
The Wrap Up: To close the session, I help you consolidate or cement what you've uncovered about yourself and your situation with a few more questions. I offer you opportunity to voice anything else that needs to be said. If there's any action points, recommendations, or resources I know of that may help you, with your permission I'll offer them at the very end when the coaching conversation is “closed.”
Looking Ahead: The next time we meet, you can share any progress you've made towards your larger objective. If you didn't do what you thought you would do or it didn’t go as planned, we take the lessons of that experience and apply them to future plans. No judgment, just discovery.
That's it; that’s the coaching session!
What Coaching is Not: Notice that at no point do I tell you what you must or should do to “fix” the situation. That’s intentional: properly trained coaches do not advise. You know yourself and your situation best. My advice would be useful for me, the person who has my history, personality, and preferences. You’re not me, so the advice won’t be useful to you. Plus, behavioural science demonstrates that no one likes to follow the advice of others. (If you doubt this theory, hang out with a toddler for a day and see how well they respond to you telling them what to do the whole time, versus what they do when they get to decide. Triple-true and applicable for teenagers, but you’re less likely to get to spend a whole day with them to notice this phenomenon, which is why I recommend the toddler.) When YOU come up with the actions or next steps and whatever reminders you need to move towards your objective, you’re more likely to follow through because they’re YOUR ideas. It’s the partnership with a coach that elicits new ideas, keeps you accountable to them, and challenges you to do more than you might do on your own that makes engaging a coach so valuable. Like that old weight loss commercial used to say, if you could do it alone, then why haven’t you done it already? A coach helps you get it done.
Side Note: Every coach will do things a little bit differently, depending on their personal style and how they were trained. But ICF accredited coaches, of which I am a member, all follow a similar pattern. If the first coach you encounter doesn't feel harmonic to you, you can always find another. If you're not jiving with them, they probably feel it, too. If they’re a good coach, they’ll want what's best for you and will be okay with you seeking a better match. The coach may even be able to recommend someone in their network that might suit you better.
Your Turn: That’s the view behind the Zoom screen. Coaching is definitely less painful than a bikini wax. Sometimes it asks you to be just as vulnerable, but you don’t have to contort yourself into crazy positions to smooth out your action plan. If you’d like to accelerate accomplishing your goals through coaching, click the button below to schedule a free introductory call with me.