Become that Person with the Awesome Habit
What is a fulfilling, satisfying, on-the-edge-of-who-you-are, habit that you want to build?
Start by painting a picture of that person. [I’m using “painting” metaphorically, but if literal painting is in your wheelhouse, go for it. Or maybe painting is the new habit/skill you want to build? Again, go for it—using the advice below.]
Here’s how to paint the picture of the person who has your desired habit:
Name five adjectives to describe that kind of person.
Name five emotions that they feel when or because they have the habit.
Name five results that come from doing this activity habitually.
Now ask yourself, “How badly do I want to be that person, feel those emotions, and get those results?”
If you're keen on becoming that person with those emotions and those results, and you’re willing to invest some effort, then congratulations! You’re on your way to becoming that person. But there’s no magic wand we can wave to get you there. You’re going to need a strategy for achieving that goal. Let me walk you through how to do that, using a coach approach of reflective questions based on the advice of Atomic Habits by James Clear.
SIX TIPS to Get Your Habit Going
First, how can you make the new behavior obvious? You want a prompt for the behaviour that is visible, so what item will remind you to do the action? You might set an alarm, block time on your calendar, post a note, or set out the gear or tools as a prompt to act.
Second, when will you do it? Name the time, place, and anchor for when you’ll do it. An anchor is an action that already exists in your routine that will precede your new habit. It creates context and cues for making it happen. For example, “I’ll journal on my mat immediately after 7 am yoga.”
Third, how can you make the habit more enticing? To achieve “enticing” consider what you could pair the action with so it's more enjoyable. For example, is there something to listen to while you complete a physical activity? For me, I am more amenable to cleaning the bathroom each week if I do it while listening to a podcast. (And the bonus is that the bathroom gets cleaner, because I want to listen longer.)
Fourth, who are your people? That is, who are the individuals or groups already doing what you want to do? Surround yourself with people with similar aims. Directly or indirectly, they will help propel you towards your goal. (Yes, once a month counts as “surrounding yourself.”) Look for a group or a friend who's also doing or wants to do the activity. Do it together or check in with each other to stay accountable. How will you find your people? Ideas here include a running group, a book club, a knitting circle, or a small business association. If you can’t find a group in your community or workplace, an online community will work, too. For example, an online forum discussing best practices is a viable alternative to an in-person group for providing moral support and for getting answers to questions about the habit.
Fifth, what will make the habit easier to achieve? How can you make the action small enough so the energy required is minimal? It could be the right gear: bird watching is easier with a great pair of binoculars. Or maybe it’ll be easier if you have a dedicated space: crafting is less demanding when you have a room or space where the implements are laid out, not packed away in a box at the back of the closet. When initiating the activity doesn’t feel like a burden, it’s easier to get started and gain momentum.
And sixth, how can you make the habit satisfying? What’s a reward you can give yourself upon completion? Checking a box on a tracking sheet is surprisingly satisfying and motivating. Or maybe there’s a special treat you do or get when you’ve made some progress. Just taking a moment to experience the satisfaction of your accomplishment is also gratifying. Mini celebrations provide the dopamine hits that bring you back to the habit.
Give Yourself Grace
It's OK that the first time you try that new habit out, it doesn't go smoothly. Use the information of the slip up to adjust your approach and try again. When you feel discouraged, remember that it's not going to be effortless. If your new habit was easy, you'd already be doing it. Instead, you're working on the system that will make it easy. You're in the prep stages of making it the default, and it can take a while—years even—to get to the stage where you don’t need to decide whether or not to do your new activity because the decision is automatic. You’re progressing to that point where you perform the habit instinctively, without deliberation.
To get through this rough beginning, bake some compassion and forgiveness into your plan. When you skip or miss a turn, no problem. Don’t beat yourself up over it with negative thoughts and don't give up completely, simply because one day got away from you or was stormy (literally or figuratively). Notice what got in the way, make a plan to deal with the situation should it occur again, and return to the habit the next time.
Return to the Painting
Consider the person who already has this habit, the person who holds this behavior as very important: the one you described at the beginning of this reflection. Think about what choices they would make. Ask yourself, What would they do? Then follow their lead. When you do it often enough, you become that person. Eventually it's no longer a choice: it's the default. And that’s what a habit is.