Should Shift Can
So? How is that new change, your resolution, your new habit going for you? Or, what about that task you’ve been procrastinating? Are you experiencing a case of the shoulds?
They sound like this: “I should do that...” And whether said or unsaid, at the end of the sentence there's usually some plausible reason as to why you’re not. That is to say, the “should” is often followed by a “but.”
What you need is a dose of should-shift-can. It's a process by which you reframe your perspective away from obligation and toward opportunity until it morphs into desire or want.
Here's how it works:
Consider the thing that you “should” be doing.
Identify the reason you “should” do it.
Name the long-term benefit of doing this “should” action.
Connect the benefit to the type of person who completes this action easily.
Imagine yourself as that future person.
Ask yourself if you are capable of taking a small step towards becoming that kind of person.
Rephrase this question as a statement.
Believe it!
Do it!
This* is how you shift Should into Can, or SHOULD shift CAN.
Here's an example of what it might look:
You should be having salad for lunch.
Because vegetables are healthier than your usual fast-food takeout.
The benefit is that you'll lose weight and be healthier.
Healthy people eat salad for lunch.
[mental image of yourself looking and feeling healthy]
“Can I eat salad for lunch so I can be a healthy person?”
“I can be a healthy person who eats salad for lunch!”
“I believe that I can am a person who eats salad for lunch.”
Actions ensue to have a salad for lunch.
If you want to take it another step and truly find the magic, replace “can” with “desire” in your statement. In our example above, “I can be a healthy person” becomes “I want to be a healthy person.”
Next, make a rule for yourself about your new behaviour. For example, “On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I eat a salad for lunch.” This rule really helps you when you encounter a challenge to the new routine. It gives you a pre-packaged response: “No, I can't accept your bagel because I eat salad for lunch today” or “I'm sorry, I eat salad for lunch on the weekdays, I can't go for pizza with you.” You've taken an onerous imposition and turned it into a positive prospect. Hopefully the word prospect makes you think of prospecting as in ‘mining for gold,’ because that's what we're after. We're going for the treasure that will change your life for the better.
The bottom line? When you find yourself feeling like you should do something, rephrase it into the beneficial opportunity and keep your eye on that great outcome.
More examples:
I should clean out the garage → I can create a lot of space so we can park a car in here.
I should go for a walk → I'll feel great after stretching my legs.
I should call my mother → I can make someone’s day with a phone call and connect with a person who loves me.
I should do this onerous task → I can get this nagging thing off my mind.
Try it yourself. What is a “should” in your day that you will shift I should into “can”?
You should hire a coach → You can hire a coach! Just click the button below.
*Okay, it might require more mental gymnastics that just those nine steps. Here are some other elements that may help:
Think about how badly you want the benefits and/or to be that kind of person who does the action. If you’re not feeling it, ask what’s getting in your way? What would it take for you to be that kind of person? What would happen if you never followed through? How do you feel about that outcome?
What is motivating the “should”? Who says you “should”? Are they right? Note, if these questions evoke some trauma or deep-seated issues from your childhood, you might need to seek professional assistance in working through them. If you’re just experiencing the hang-ups of everyday life, a coach can help you work through the questions and answers. Click the button above!